In November 2020, I wrote a post titled “Love, Undeserving Of” It was a moment of reflection, prompted by someone telling me they didn’t feel good enough for me. I was confused, not because I thought I was above anyone, but because I’ve always held a deep sense of my own worthiness, my capability, and my right to be loved. As always, I went somewhere and 'sat down' to search for clarity and understanding regarding the root of this feeling, not just in others, but within myself.

Fast forward to now, and I find myself in a different yet eccentrically familiar place. Today, I'm ready to be completely honest with myself. This self-awareness is crucial, just as it was back then. The truth is, happiness is a new idea— not because it hasn’t been present, but because I’m learning to approach it with fresh eyes.

Back then, I wrote about the ego, and how people born on the Virgo-Libra cusp, like me, might seem untouchable or removed, allowing themselves to be vulnerable only at special times. That introspection was necessary for understanding others’ perceptions of their worth. But what about my own sense of happiness? How often do we tie our happiness to our worth, ego, and how others perceive us?

Don’t worry, those are rhetorical questions.

Over the past two months, I’ve focused on my relationship with my body, especially during times of stress. It's easy to fall into the trap of being overly critical-- whether physical, emotional, or mental when we feel like we're not meeting our expectations. Instead of blaming, I choose to be intentional. I observe how I perceive myself, not just in calm moments, but in chaos too.

In 2020, I wrote about the importance of listening to the subtext when people speak; checking for facts, feelings, values, and opinions. Today, I’m applying the same to myself. The larger focus of my life now is to surround myself with people I trust and to present myself as clearly and honestly as I can. There’s an opportunity to grow here.

In that post, I realized that we all deserve to be loved, to be seen, to receive reciprocity. That hasn’t changed. But now, I’m adding a new layer: we all deserve to be happy, not just in the grand, sweeping moments, but in the quiet, everyday interactions with ourselves.

“Many born on the cusp are content to admire beauty from a distance, seeing it as a quality to be adored or worshiped from afar, rather than one to approach or possess.”

At this point, I’m now engaged in emotional calisthenics, and counterweights have been attached to all of my feelings.

Moving forward, I will carry the lessons from 2020, but with an updated focus. Happiness is not something to be admired from a distance; it’s a new idea, one that I’m allowing myself to approach, possess, and experience fully.

Happiness, like love, is something we all deserve.

I Remain