So here we go again! This thing called aging is complicated and sometimes frustrating. Most people my age or older would be preparing to slow down, preparing for retirement in about 15 years or less. For me aging in this century is a gift from God. In a time where the life expectancy of a black man my age or younger is 25 at best, I am blessed to be able to talk about what is expected of a man my age.

Most of my friends and colleagues have gotten married, had children, and their children are starting families while I have only been married once no children, and living a single life. The expectations of life not just socially but in most of our minds are to have a sustaining career, a loving family, and look forward to an empty nest where grandchildren come and bring life to a quiet living space. We are expected to be living comfortably and swearing at the mailman or bank if the retirement check is late. If we have health conditions it is expected for us to live with it or if we have the means to do so visit the doctor for a pill, a shot, a surgery, or even a cure for the diagnosis. we are expected to be free enough to travel where we want if we are able, however, that would depend on the economy and the price of traveling. Staycations have become a better option but who wants to vacation in a hotel in the city they live. At this age, it is expected for us to have a broad if not specific knowledge of the politics of our time and be involved in making or assisting in the changes needed to secure a better political horizon for our grandchildren. We are expected to be teaching the next generation what we left out in teaching our children who have in some cases created the mess we are in or stood by and just let it happen. We are expected to be the cornerstone of the family and most of us don't have a cornerstone to call our own. Moreover, the expectation for aging is rose-colored glasses and fantasy. For the most part, the reality is quite different.

The reality of aging is more complex and I'll be damn more intricate than the rose-colored glasses that are put before us by society.

For the life I've lived I am amazing thankful that God allowed me to survive. The best thing to do is to start in the year 2014. Along with my younger sister I was taking care of my aging mother who was now in her fourth year of nursing home living. Pastoring and living in Eastern North Carolina but only a couple of hours away from my mother's location, life was ok. You would think that pastoring any church would be a pleasure and a great honor, especially if you grew up in the church, ran from God, and now serving his flock in a faith community. Well strap in, this is going to be a bumpy ride. An honor to serve in this capacity, but most definitely, dealing with people of faith, not so much, it is a never-ending battle of wills and a maze of mental and spiritual emotions. As a caretaker of the souls of people, you have to navigate between being a mother, a father, and a diaper changer of adults with mental illness, a haughty spirit, and their particular ideas of God and ministry. After completing a bachelor's, a master's, and in 2014 a doctorate you would think you had all you need to lead God's people. The reality is your study does not prepare you for the reality of the sinners that run the governing body nor the sinners sitting in the pew. Don't get me wrong the church is considered a hospital where the sinners come to seek their salvation, but some if not most are coming to the soul's hospital to change the will of the ultimate doctor, God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit. Not only was I there trying to lead a group of sinners to salvation, I realized as much as they needed to be saved, but I was also in need of saving. My attitude and disposition would and has gotten me into a plethora of heated discussions and rash decisions that sometimes worked out and sometimes made things worse. I've since then been able to check my anger issues, change my disposition and let go of what is not necessary to lead in a way God is pleased. During this time I lost my mother and had to move close to my home base to now take care of a father who never really took care of me.

Dating in this era is a crapshoot, there is no telling what you may get; a bitch; a boy-bitch; or a transexual. Alex, I'll take none of that for $500.00, please. I will live alone before I let someone disturb my peace or be fooled into thinking a person is who they say they are; I need to see birth certificates and before and after pictures.

Dealing with the political climate in this era is reminiscent of the stories I heard from my grandmother sitting at her dinner table. I have come to understand as a pastor it is my duty to peak the congregations' conscience in seeking out the truth for themselves and voting for what they believe in. To get the congregation to see the world in light of what the scripture says and get them to first start with their lives and transform this worldly kingdom to become as closely aligned with the Kingdom of God so that we all have a chance at making it into eternity.

Since becoming a pastor I have lost my home, but I have gained the freedom to travel to the church (AME Zion). However, living in an apartment community is like living under arrest. You are free to do what you please but the rules can be restraining and at this age, I need to be making the rules for my living space and not following the rules of someone who does not live next to the crappy neighbors I sometimes have to deal with.

I have had the opportunity since leaving the corporate world to work in higher education and it has brought me great peace. Now don't get me wrong, there are still people on the job that will get on my nerves and they sometimes remind me of the corporate world, but in all of that, it is rewarding. I have been able to travel to some places for my career that I may not have been able or had the time to do so, to meet people in different parts of the United States and I praise God I have been able to do so.

As far as this aging thing I am still as young at heart as I want to be. I do not look my age (58) and that is a plus. I don't feel my age and that is definitely a plus. What is amazing to me and a blessing from God is my health is better than I thought it was. Recently while visiting the doctor for a Colonoscopy, the most humiliating procedure there is, the nurse asked me a batter of health questions and upon finishing them in which I answered no to all of them, she looks at me and says with unbelief in her voice, you are the healthiest person that I have had the opportunity to meet in this office. She goes on to say, I wish I could say that about my health. I just replied to her Glory be to God, it's all Him and not me. I realized at that moment everything that life brings, throws, or dumps on me, it is by God's power alone that I have survived to continue the mission on the path he has designed for me.

Nothing about aging and reality is left up to chance, the path, the journey, and the outcome if we believe and follow God it is all in His hands alone and not ours. We have to stop listening to humanity's idea of life and aging and look to God for our sustainability in a fallen world of immorality. It is by His grace we survive, live, and have joy and peace.

God bless

Rev. Dr. Reginald Boyd, Jr.