Emotional intelligence is a widely used term, but its meaning has often been distorted. It is frequently described as the capacity to perceive, utilize, comprehend, manage, and deal with emotions.

People with high emotional intelligence are believed to recognize their emotions and those of others, use emotional information to guide their thinking and behavior, differentiate between feelings, label them appropriately, and adjust their emotions to adapt to different environments. This is a trait that many folks seeking love on social media list as something they desire in a partner.

Don’t let your amygdala get hijacked. 

People enjoy using emotional intelligence when dealing with problems outside of themselves. What most people expect from someone with emotional intelligence is a world that feels intimate and clear, where everything fits together and makes sense. Imagine getting what you asked for, encountering someone who effectively communicates their emotions, only to realize their message lacks clarity or value to you.

Enter confusion. There is an expectation of clarity, and yet it is not discovered.

I understand #iGuess. Sometimes we feel confused when talking to family or friends, especially when things don't seem to fit together satisfyingly. They may provide all the details they think are relevant, but we still struggle to make sense of it all. In these situations, we ask questions, backtrack, and go over things. While the issue may not be significant, this can be frustrating, especially when we're just trying to have a casual conversation or make a quick point. Feeling confused is uncomfortable, and we often use different mechanisms to alleviate it in a quick but ultimately unhelpful way, such as accepting something dubious or dismissing what's confusing to move on to something else.

Enter other bastardized social media terms — Gaslighting. Triggered. Toxic. Narcissist. 

Words have power, and the overuse and misuse of psychological terms can derail important conversations and create assumed meanings.

The expression "like pulling teeth" has a distinct feel. It's similar to the struggle of trying to make sense of things, searching for the right angle, idea, or question to bring clarity to a confusing situation. Each person's understanding of what makes sense can be unique and may vary depending on the context.

Science. 

When things make sense, they go together real bad and have a persuasive effect, even if you choose to withhold judgment or acknowledge that the effect is misleading. Ultimately, productive confusion (excluding the misuse of psychological terms) leads to things making sense. Once things are coherent, you can either accept that perspective or engage with it meaningfully in a different way; questioning it or deconstructing it in an informative manner.

I Am