A common unsolicited critique of me is that I Am quick to disappear and able to detach from a person, place, or thing. Random observations about nothing and yet everything over the past few weeks have me reconciling this critique.

I strive for equanimity as much as possible. I don't always succeed, I get angry or irritated like everyone else. How did I get to equanimity? We gotta go back to 1991, "Now That We Found Love" What are we gonna do with it?

That's Heavy Man.

Eighteen years with W followed by twenty-plus years with M. 

I'm tired, boss. 

The fatigue of long-term relationships; being responsible for someone else's feelings, the combination of years of routines, scrapes, struggles, taking each other for granted, and resentments large and small. After M and a few failed attempts at dating, a part of me asked how I could be a better huMan. Only a part of me because I Remain 'bout it, 'bout it.  

THE FOUR IMMEASURABLES

LOVING

Loving’ souls often look for a partner to fulfill their lives. However, fulfillment comes from something deeper. I know what that looks like for me, you gotta figure your shit out. My observation is that focusing on pleasures like sex, social media, alcohol, and dope shit only brings temporary pleasure. 

I don't need a partner to be in service of others, that's how I B’ loving. 

KINDNESS

You don’t have to force anything that isn’t for you—not a job, not a love, not a person, not a relationship, not a situation. Because choices. But you do have to, and must, treat others well, with kindness and…

COMPASSION

My mom's life teaches me that life should not be about accruing possessions, wealth, power, and position. It’s about grace, compassion, and forgiveness. It’s about community and courage. Attributes that are directed towards the benefit of others. 

Sympathetic Joy

Maestro loved Michelle. When presented with the two of us, he would choose her almost every time. He slept on her side of the bed, (on the floor because black people don't do that pets in the bed shit) but every morning he would make his way over to me so that I could let him out. Was I jealous? Nope. I felt happy seeing a woman I loved being adored by the non-human that I loved. 

There are posts sprinkled on the blog about being genuinely happy for others, especially a friend who has prospered. I ain't gon’ hold you it sounds great, but if we’re feeling threatened or unhappy with our own lives it's hard to share in other people’s joy. 

Incorporating the four immeasurables into my life and developing equanimity allows me to detach, and become an observer.

Respectfully,

O. B. TramueL