Independently Dependent - Cleo

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Society has us in a chokehold when it comes to what we should be doing. We should be married before children, graduate college, working a respectable job, own a home and car, and be mentally stable while dealing with the fuckshit called life. We also should be in a position to take care of our parents because, ya know, they raised us. 

What society does not tell us is: 

  • Not all parents should be parents and shouldn’t expect their children to be there when the shit hits the fan. Some of them did more harm to us than good. 

  • A college degree does not mean shit in this current economy.  

  • After college, you will still struggle.  

  • Marriage is not for everyone and that is OK. 

  • Renting an apartment does not make you less of an adult.  

  • Some people do not want kids because they/we are dealing with unhealed trauma ourselves. And guess what? That too, is OK. 

  • Oh, and we do not have to deal with our parents' toxicity because they “raised us.” 

I do not want children. I never did. I wanted to sell my eggs at 15 years old and I wanted a hysterectomy in my early 20s. I would rather adopt or foster teenagers. On the other hand, my husband does want 2 kids. That may never happen. He knows how I feel about those booger eaters. Over the past few years, I had to dive deeply into why I had this feeling. I realized it is because my upbringing was not the best. I had a helicopter mom that thinks she is always right and an alcoholic bipolar father who was verbally abusive. Shit was wild daily. 

Truthfully, I fear that I will keep the cycle going. For the past year, I have been open to the idea of having one child for him. If he is lucky, it will be twins. This is a one-and-done deal. Society will say that I need to speed the process up since I am far behind. I should have started in my early 20s. I am going to be old as dirt trying to kick a ball with my child. My other favorite reasoning (sarcasm) is I must leave behind a legacy. Who is going to carry on my name?  

I am side-eyeing every person that thinks this way. You do not need a child to leave behind a legacy.

Write a book. 

Throughout my journey on this planet, I realized I needed to stop comparing my life to someone else that is in my age range. We all have struggles. Hell, the Jones’ may look like they are doing the damn thang but deep down they are dead from trying to keep up with the Smiths.’ My age does not reflect where I should be or have accomplished. My inner child is still in me waiting to be helped. She needs guidance and so do I. 

Young Cleo, I am working on it, boo. Day by day, I try to find ways to mend those broken pieces for us. Do not give up on me. I will not let you down. 

I will close with this. That number that’s attached to you does not mean you failed or succeeded based on someone else’s standard. Only YOU set the bar for you. Fuck what everyone else thinks. You gotta do what’s best for you and your inner child. Heal them first. 

The great poet Brandy Norwood once said: 

I'm a work in progress 

I'm a seed growin' into a flower 

I'm a storm that's risin' 

And gettin' stronger with every hour 

And God knows I ain't perfect 

Tell me, who in the world is? 

These flaws I've got 

They're a part of who I am 

Take me or not, but I finally understand 

That I'm so done tryna be everything you want 

And I had to stop 

'Cause baby, you ain't worth it 

If I gotta camouflage for love