Mr.TramueL's Observation of Professional Work Environments That Are Not

Companies spend in excess of millions on their Brand through advertising and marketing. Image right? It’s so very necessary. Take for example professional sports organizations, world class right? (Rhetorical) They have development leagues for players that haven’t reached their full potential. Today I’m coining the phrase Semi-Professional Businesses for companies that haven’t reached their full potential.

Mr.TramueL’s Top Ten Reasons To (RE)Consider your business model.

10. When the Monday morning meeting looks like the line outside Club 935 or {Insert a hot club in yo’ city.} I’m just saying, if I can see your thong it’s wrong.

9. Teeth. You can’t speak to me about how great your benefits package is if the person you have facilitating has been in your employ for 14 years but their mouth looks like they chew coal colored rocks. Health benefits kick in after 30 days, dental must start in year 15.

8. Speak up! I know we are inside but u.s.e.  y.o.u.r.  w.o.r.d.s. I don’t care for squeaky mousey talking people. You’re a professional now put on your BIG boy & girl drawz and sound off.

7. I understand we all have different experiences, we’ve worked different jobs. If your previous employer was so great why are you here? If I have to hear how you did things there one more time! Null.

6. If your receptionist looks & smells like the smoking man from the X-Files it’s time to reconsider your ”lead from the lobby” strategy.

5. My pants sag because I have nasatall, but I’m constantly adjusting them so I don’t look like I’m on the yard. The corporate thug look is not a good look. {“No as* at all” for ya’ll always needing to have jokes explained}

4. Within every company, there will always be one know it all who think that they know what's going on; this person must be fired. Corollaries: 1. Nobody whom you ask for help will see it. 2. The first person who stops by, whose advice you really don't want to hear, will see it immediately.

3. Not really a reason to (RE)Consider your business model but more of a pet peeve. Reset the microwave! If you stop your food before the pre-set time, hit the clear button so that the next person can enjoy their delectable, tasty treat.

2. Your “Want Ad” should read & tell the truth. Strong communication skills: {Translation} You will write tons of documentation and letters.

1. Train your employees on proper bathroom etiquette. Small talk about the weather & dead air fillers should be reserved for your customers. When I’m at the urinal I just want to make pee-pee, I don’t want to hear that the water is cold or deep.

Live Well,

Mr. "My Pleasure" TramueL

Ten & A Half Things That Kill A Conversation Quickly

10. Things I don’t know anything about. (Translation: Things I would write in my “Things I give an Eff about notebook”) ☛ Them: “You going to the concert?” Me: “Oh! Who’s coming?” Them “Justin Beiber.”  Me:

9. Bad Breath ☛ This is self-explanatory … you could stay and chat but you’re a man talking to another man, also it would be rude to throw-up in some(1)ne’s face.

8. A chatting chatty azz man ☛ I’m a man … “Ladies look at your man, now back at me, look at your man again, now back at me …” men get in and get out of conversations. If a dude lingers too long in the “I’ma boy” zone when he’s talking to another man. Look for me to start riding a horse backwards.

7. Repetition ☛ Every time I see you, you tell me the same thing. Go fall off a cliff so you’ll have some new stuff to talk about.

6. A long azz, on again off again engagement ☛ Face it “He’s just not that into you” and you’re never gonna get the deposit money back. Me: “Oh Ya’ll pushed it back until the Spring (again?) … well keep me posted! Listen, I have to go, gotta take Rocky to the Vet.” Her: “You don’t have a dog.” Me: 0_O

5. Conversations about Socialism ☛ Maybe I should listen … I mean with all your experience working the Frosty machine at Wendy’s. Unless you are a professor of History, Cultural Anthropology or Economics stop trying to kick knowledge son & go kick rocks.

4. Stop talking to me about the iPhone, iPad, iCar, iBoat ☛ *Deep Breath. Shots Fired. #pow #pow #pow* I don’t understand how I can admire a company soo much but hate them too. I won’t end the conversation, I’ll just provide tips on new apps that you should consider. Them: “I’m thirsty.” Me: “What? Your iPhone can’t turn the air into cool refreshing water? … There’s no app for that?”

3. Long Windedness ☛ Lil’ MrTramueL’s mother takes forever just to tell me that he needs some allergy medicine. Ms.Frenchie: “You remember the house where I grew up right? Me: “Yep. You’ve told me about it a  million times … can you make the long story short? You know how you do.” Ms.Frenchie: “Oh. Okay … Well, we used to have a window in my old bedroom, and my mama would leave it up at night so that ….” Me: “Places phone on mute. Walks away.”

2. People with American names who talk /sound funny on the phone ☛ Don’t ya’ll dare judge me! You know what I’m talking about … you call Apple support and Bob answers  but he sounds more like Madhav Kumar. *Dial Tone*

1. Carrying on side conversations ☛ Step away without a salutation or well wish and you get the dial tone. Your lil’ dyslexic child do that same stuff every time &  you feed into it! I’ma man, I’m only going to be a minute *Pause*  … tell lil’ Tommie to turn the book sideways and wait until you get off the phone.

0.5 (Number 3 Continues after 20 minutes) … *Comes back to phone* Ms.Frenchie:“ … the electrician had to install those three prong cords for the washing machine & the dryer …”

What drives you crazy on the phone? In person? At home … you get what I’m getting at! Answer the question!

Mr. “Give Up Conversation But Don’t Say Nothing” TramueL

*Disclaimer* Nothing wrong with working the frosty machine at Wendy’s. Somebody has to do it. Having an American name even though you have a thick azz accent. Lil’ Tommie really isn’t dyslexic, he’s special.