The Weight of Staying Connected

I wrote this yesterday...

"I’ve been reflecting on this through my relationships with a few women in my life—women I admire for their depth, humor, and individuality. Among them are platonic friends whose companionship enriches my life and others who, despite my having expressed my lack of romantic interest, continue to seek meaningful love and connection."

As I re-read it, I realized how it might reflect on me, so I stood up to see what it said &

I’ve often told myself that “you are not responsible for someone else’s feelings, only for how you advise them of your disinterest.” It’s a principle rooted in fairness and boundaries—a way to navigate relationships without leading anyone on or offering false promises. And in theory, it’s a reasonable and honest approach. But in practice, it feels much messier.

There’s a particular weight that comes with staying connected to women who want more from me romantically than I can or am willing to give. Their companionship enriches my life in meaningful ways, and I value the connection we share. But I sometimes wonder if my continued presence in their lives, even with clear boundaries, provides a false sense of hope for them—a quiet whisper that maybe I’ll change my mind.

It makes me question whether this approach, while logical, shields me from confronting deeper emotions—guilt, discomfort, and maybe even a lack of compassion. Am I inadvertently taking more than I’m giving? And if so, what does that mean for my understanding of fairness?

These are hard questions to sit with, and perhaps the answers are as complex as the relationships themselves. But what I know is this: just because a situation feels logical doesn’t mean it feels good. And as much as I value honesty, I want to ensure that it’s not being used as a way to justify behavior that might unintentionally hurt others.

There’s a fine line between respecting someone’s autonomy and unintentionally feeding their hope. Navigating that line requires more than boundaries—it requires empathy, clarity, and sometimes, hard choices about the nature of the connection itself.

I Am