Forty One Years To Life ... L. Delli Santi

“If these years have taught me anything it is this: you can never run away. Not ever. The only way out is in. And that’s what I guess these stories are about”

Junot Diaz, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao

My thoughts on birthdays is that, as a society, we tend to categorize and mark our lives in milestones of ten year increments, each passing year a stepping stone to the next big hurdle, which will then denote who we are because of the number attached to our being. What is really important, and often overlooked in the grand scheme, is that your past and the obstacles that were hurdled will always be a beautiful part of you. The experiences you have had make you the person you are and the person you hope to be in the future. So when things are bad, you are learning and growing. When things are good, you have put your knowledge into play. Life is cyclical; every moment is just as important as the next.  You cannot run away from your past, or who you are/have become.  Life is a collection of stories that represent a time and place that we can never go back to.

L. Delli-Santi

Forty One Years To Life ... A. Waters

My life

I, like many others my age, am trying to apply the breaks as I skid into turning 40 in less than 6 months. Why am I so afraid to reach that milestone? In this day and age it should be an accomplishment, a luxury, a badge of honor yet I treat it like a tooth ache, the plague, a death sentence,  like I'm doomed. Why you ask? Because when I was younger- 40 meant you were married ( happily, optional), loving family, a promising career, financially set, and had all the stability you could stand. I have missed the mark in ALL those categories. Yet I get up each morning, by the grace of God and I try life again, most days willingly and other days forced.  I have always been a late bloomer and i am just now realizing what it means to say that this life of mine is not a dress rehearsal. It's not promised.  It's not even conditionally guaranteed.  And everything you have can be stripped from you in the blink of an eye. So my new stance on life is this: LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH, and make yourself happy, regardless of your age. Man up or put on your big girl panties (whichever applies) and live with NO more regrets. 40 is my new 30.

Dear Yvette

Forty One Years To Life ... Aging BlaQ

Aging BlaQ: Shriveling Ovaries: The New Mating Call

I'm a believer in animal instinct. I believe that as humans we were all born with innate responses and reactions to people and situations. Most of the time, we can't quite put our finger on why this response happens, but if we go with our instinct, we can all rest assured that we'll end up on the good side of that particular situation.

Lately, since I've turned 30, I've had conversations with men about life/love/& the pursuit of the draws. I could try to explain them, but there's no explaining this isht!

Example #1

Rick Ross

Him: "Do you want kids some day?"

Kari

Me: "Maybe. I definitely want the option."

Rick Ross

Him: "Well let me know when I can give a donation."

Kari

Me: "A donation?"

Rick Ross

Him: "Yeah, if you want kids, I can donate to the cause."

---silence---

Kari

Me: "Well, I appreciate the offer, but I'm gon' have to pass on that one."

Rick Ross

Him: "Oh, no problem. I try to help when I can." 

Example #2

Corporate Thug

Him: "So how did your interview go?"

Kari

Me: "I think it went well - they seemed impressed."

Corporate Thug

Him: "Well, congratulations are in order!"

Kari

Me: "Why? That was just the first interview. I don't know if I made the 2nd round."

Corporate Thug

Him: "You said they were impressed."

Kari

Me: "Yeah."

Corporate Thug

Him: "I'm just saying. If I'm grooming you to have my babies in a couple of years. I want to make sure you get a job you like."

Kari

Me: "What the fck, man?"

Corporate Thug

Him: "Oh, sorry."

Now, instinct has CLEARLY ruled on both of these individuals. But I'm not here to talk about my instinct, I'm here to talk about male instinct.

Where am I going with this? Walk with me, please...

The one thing that I was never able to adequately explain to my male friends is the dire situation and vulnerable state a childless, single woman finds herself at the age of 30+. Maybe if I used the words "mental and physical anguish", that would better describe how 30 signifies the beginning of the end for some women. Granted, I don't want to be pregnant; nor am I scheming to poke holes in condoms to get a baby... And no, playboy, I am not accepting donations for your illegitimate kids that you have no intention of raising... But I do hear the faint shriveling of my ovaries and eggs (it sounds like a crumbled up paper bag) along with the tick-tock of the old biological clock. The clock is loud but the shriveling isn't. The shriveling makes me sad... I digress.

As the last of my friends turn the big 3-0, it has been quite interesting to see how they have dealt with the pressure. One vowed to give up her bi-sexual lifestyle for the promise of kids and a husband with her ex-con ex-boyfriend (a sure catch). One vowed to keep the punani under wraps until the engagement ring pulls those dusty panties down. Still another gave up all her side-dudes to wait for the Lord to send her the soul-mate she was promised (ok, that was me). Yet, we all have come to our senses (somewhat) and realized that life does not end at 30.

So, I say all that to say this... I believe that men are capable of hearing the shriveling of eggs spoiling and ovaries singing the fat-lady blues. I don't know that it looks like desperation or the wave of a white flag on the battlefield, but I do believe that they know when we are ready to have babies. Now, you will most definitely have to weed through the people who make plans for your uterus without you (see example #2), but instinct should help with all that.

Something happened on the way to 30

Weight Watchers called "We have the solution"

Something happened on the way to 30

The switch in my hips turned into a limp

Something happened on the way to 30

The pretty complexion became mole central

(Party up in here! Moles stay #winning!)

Something happened on the way to 30

Afternoons spent thinking "Did I take my medication?"

Something happened on the way to 40

I finally stopped caring about my age...

The End. Happy Birthday, Brian. :-)

Kari