Monday Musings... or What's on My Mind Right Now.

Borrowed theme from author Diane Dorce's blog Miz's Write For Life 

No matter my activity level in these social or real streets there is one constant anytime I return;  singilism, a term coined by expert Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. that refers to the stereotyping and stigmatizing of people who are single. The conversations are one-sided, being single from a male perspective is missing or I follow and know too many single women. 

Just prepped a few pieces of Salmon. I will pan sear and bake them for myself, (Michelle will make Salmon croquets for herself, Geneva & Brian for dinner) I'm in a no fry zone.  I prepared breakfast for the family; bacon & eggs nothing significant, nothing I haven't done a million times. Maestro at my feet, begging for scraps. Brian on the couch playing Xbox. Michelle and Geneva still in bed. For all that I do I never get acknowledge for it. "Thank you mom, breakfast was delicious." Even the dog, after throwing him a few scraps worships Michelle.

Nothing but bad news for a few members of my extended family, close friends and co-workers this past week. Often I pray for others more than I pray for myself. I'm not afraid of bad things happening. I’m afraid of good things not happening.

I've seen a couple of events play out in the media and on twitter, I caution folks not to give into "Positive Image Mentality"; a phrase coined by Nelson George that suggests that the crux [among other things] of Black upward mobility is the concept that we must reject any and all information that highlights the flaws of African-American lifestyles & nuances, whether they are blatant truths or stereotypes.

Women be shopping & talking. 

I've learned that there are things you shouldn't have to apologize for. Things I won't apologize for ... saying no, my introversion [desiring alone time to think, read, pray, sleep or whatever], not feeling well.

I Am. 

Forty One Years To Life ... Melzie

Good Times

The myth, the mystique…the big 4-0. As we slowly ascend to what many see as a peak of life, those ahead of us in years say there’s something different about this phase. That it’s the start of something so unique they often find it hard to describe, but try to reassure us it is the best time of their lives. Like any new stage of life, the months leading up are often shadowed by uncertainty and anxiety. It’s an age that pushes many to reach back to reclaim long forgotten dreams and relive carefree moments, only to embrace the fact that this shiny new crown carries an exciting level of maturity and insight. Admittedly, there's heaviness in the responsibility of knowing that from this point on some will look to you for wisdom and you will be sought out as one who has the ability to lend a hand to those following in your footsteps. Yet you feel equipped to handle everything that comes your way. Sure, the days seem to fly by and your time is invaluable, but your innate vision is crystal clear even though you may have to reach for a pair of spectacles every now and then :)

There’s an allure to complete important unfinished business that at one time drove your daydreams and goals for they have not perished but simply waited for the right time. There’s also a freedom in speaking your mind, revealing your heart and releasing the minutiae and people who no longer serve a purpose in your life. Throwing away the notion that the tangible things are all that we should strive for is an essential step, a layer that falls off on its own. Ultimately, you find the beauty and significance in the moments, experiences and awareness that drive your days and settle your nights. Undeniably, these are indeed the good times!

Wishing you infinite joy and abundance in the years ahead!

Your friend, Mel

Mel'

Forty One Years To Life ... T. NG

I constantly think about aging as I get closer to the big 3-0. Am I where I had hoped to be? Did I do all the things that my “little girl” had hoped we'd do? How far am I to achieving those goals and getting those 'things" that I had always wanted. I consult with my inner child on the daily, perhaps it's because I am childless, a little on the crazy side or simply because aging to me is really about connecting the dots, than it is about wrinkled skin. When the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button came out I dragged my little sister to go see it. Enthralled by the movie's juxtaposed story line of aging and maturity, I had never related to a movie like that before. I was a child who spent a lot of time praying for adulthood and a way out. I was timid, quiet and mischievous. My self-esteem was comparable to tarnished silverware on the bottom of the titanic and I never felt comfortable being me.As I age I feel myself getting younger and care free, just Like Benjamin. I laugh off criticism lost souls share with me and forget about it the next day. I hug and give well wishes to enemies and I love playing even more than when I was a little girl. I love getting my hair wet in the rain, singing love songs and not worrying about being perfect. I’m excited about thirty because I’m going in as a woman who loves works and plays hard. You are always more blessed and beautiful than you think you are.

T. NG

Forty One Years To Life ... Cynt.

The older I get, the more aware I am of the inevitability of death. Or....the value of life. When I was younger, I had this romanticized notion of death. Of dying of old age, surrounded by generations of loved ones. Of having achieved every goal and dream and dying simply because there was nothing left to do. And everyone died this way. Now, of course, I wish I paid more attention to the lives around me, and the reality that death is. My grandparents are all gone, as well as my mother and several others. I would give anything to have just one good conversation with any of them. I have always been interested in listening to other's life stories, but lately, have been asking more questions, and being more open to sharing my own experiences. This happiness/pain/love/loss/success/failure...this...life that we all have is to be shared with each other. This is how we achieve that sense of immortality. We share with others, and they remember us and hopefully, share with others. The older I get, the more I realize that there will come a point where I... we.. will age no more. But we can still live on.

Forty One Years To Life ... L. Delli Santi

“If these years have taught me anything it is this: you can never run away. Not ever. The only way out is in. And that’s what I guess these stories are about”

Junot Diaz, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao

My thoughts on birthdays is that, as a society, we tend to categorize and mark our lives in milestones of ten year increments, each passing year a stepping stone to the next big hurdle, which will then denote who we are because of the number attached to our being. What is really important, and often overlooked in the grand scheme, is that your past and the obstacles that were hurdled will always be a beautiful part of you. The experiences you have had make you the person you are and the person you hope to be in the future. So when things are bad, you are learning and growing. When things are good, you have put your knowledge into play. Life is cyclical; every moment is just as important as the next.  You cannot run away from your past, or who you are/have become.  Life is a collection of stories that represent a time and place that we can never go back to.

L. Delli-Santi

He Said, She Said ... Bringing Others Up

" Today's word is ANOTHER. You are successful but have you helped someone else up the ladder with you? Is there someone you could mentor? Find time to help another ... "

~Leslie Tramuel

Facebook Status | Negative Things

"Hey - If negative things continue to happen to you. Stop asking for prayer and change your own situation. Negative things continue to happen to people who are POOR decision makers. Enhancing the ability to make GREAT decisions automatically improves your outcomes. Stupidity - Let's stop it TODAY!!"

See the full gallery on Posterous

15 Minute Freestyle

“I heard the beat and I ain't know what to write … “

Okay so this ain’t a musical freestyle but a writing freestyle.

“When I’m alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall …”

Sometimes it’s great to clear your mind. Emotional Intelligence.

On your mark, get set, go!

Why does twenty dollars worth of anything fit into one small bag? & why does said bag equal two large bags of trash?

Downloaded & watched Dairy of a Tired Black Mind for the first time, I wish someone would have spoiled it for me. My eyes hurt. There were some good points though, I think.

I cringe whenever I hear someone on Twitter or Facebook talk about having haters, it’s overused & abused, used more than a four letter word beginning with L and ending in E. I’m with you if it is in fact a true Hate(r), someone who is jealous & envious … but most of the time it’s about disapproval & dissent. Just because someone doesn’t agree with you doesn’t make them a hater. A confident person can accept that others don't like what they like.

Thinking back on the past week I would have to call it the Week of {Self} Honesty. A few of the Blogs I follow & personal communications with folks in all of my relationship sectors were in tune with that. Think I’ll follow up with a complete post.

I’ve been without my cell phone for a week & counting. I’ve come to realize that life doesn’t stop without it. I looked at my usage and it was all data, all the time with an occasional conversation with my offspring & or their mom. BBM, Twitter, Facebook, Email, WordPress, FourSquare & Sexting … I mean Texting. Null.

Speaking of Sexting, I was just playing {unless you gon’ do it} I need a Winter boo, someone to cuddle up with on the up-coming cold nights … but wrap it up! cause’ you don’t won’t that late text, that I think I’m late text. Soo many babies born in September & October. I know some of you are counting nine months backwards now.

I was gonna write something profound and related to God but it wouldn’t be right after just writing about sexting.

Oh! Oh! … There was a good point in the Diary movie, no one said it directly but it was my take away. Be helpful but not overbearing, be encouraging but not intrusive. #TenWordStories <- I’m a trend setter. I don’t follow trends, I set them.

&& sometimes haters are non-existent and created by people to protect their egos.

Speaking of setting trends. I got a saddle-bag for my birthday. Dwayne Wayne from A Different World for ya’ll that may not have a clue. 2455480.22484 just remember today, at this time who bought it back.

Facebook. Deletion inevitable, tired of folks praising God one minute and raising hell the next.

Time!

I guess I don’t type that fast … only went back to add the photo’s, I’m gonna post without proofing so forgive any typos in advance!

Hate None,

Mr.TramueL

Nurturing {Self}

The Week of Influences

Currently Reading

The Blueprint "A Plan for Living Above Life's Storms" - Kirk Franklin

On Sociology and the Black Community - W.E.B. Du Bois

Raising Fences "A Black Man's Love Story" - Michael Datcher

A thought was born from my reading, emails, phone conversations, random observations about nothing , yet everything and then ... great friend(s) ask great question(s).

"Ever wish you could (re)wind time and do something a little different?"

We've all been asked the question, initially your right brain kicks in with something about not being caught with Kim under the stairs with your penis in her hand or reliving dreams of being the President of the World. The whole World Craig. I've had time to reflect and I would like to answer now " September" « That's my new name for you.

I wouldn't change any specific event, everything I've experienced has turned me into the person I am. I would change the way I p(re)acted and (re)acted to those events.

Honest about what I really want

I would not have distorted the truth about what I really want. I would have weighted more heavily the cost and benefit of said honesty.

Self-sacrifice

I would have been more aware of sacrificing my personal interest, things that I love for the supposed benefit of others.

Resentment is born from deprivation

Depriving myself of those personal interest, I subconsciously blamed others for my non-happiness, developing feelings of resentment towards anyone who participated in my non-happiness. I would change not making others responsible for my happiness.

Neglecting others. Be cognizant of it

I have someone that I am completely honest with about everything. Everything. I have no doubt that they would do anything in the world for me. The world. Yep, they said something the other day that resonated with me and caused a shift in the TramueLverse. Minus the curse words, the thrown knife, the scratch on the hood of my car & the death threat they said "I'm sick of you talking to me like this ..." This wasn't a love interest or someone with whom I wanted to lay horizontal with. You really don't need any more detail for me to make my point, which is ... I would change the way I've treated those who have loved me unconditionally. Science.

Harm none,

Mr. "Science is true, don't be misled by facts" TramueL

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

THE WEEK OF EXCUSES, TRANSITION & SUPERSTITIONS

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Loyalty to ideas. Three days late, however in keeping with my promise to post every Sunday, here are my random observations about the previous week.

Of Excuses

We all have that special acquaintance that complains about everything & yet nothing. You offer your intelligently hedonistic solution and they respond with “No, it’s not that” and provide every excuse why it won’t work, can’t work except for the obvious … they are crazy.

I needed help moving a few large pieces out of storage. The move would have only required an hour with most of that time spent driving from Public Storage to the new spot. I had a full month to move everything, which I was able to do with the exception of the larger pieces. I asked a few people that owned trucks to help me out but was met with excuse, after excuse, weekend after weekend.

Mr.TramueL’s Observation of Excuses: (1) If someone says he will do something "without fail," he won't. (2) Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter, because nobody listens.

Of Transition

Transition into the new space, I always feel at home with books, candles, plants & pictures. My favorite things. I’m able to rest because my space is filled with the things I love, but I haven’t slept well while adjusting if that even makes any sense.

My employer informed me that effective 12/31/2010 our line of business would transition to a completely different role & I was given the opportunity told that I have to decide by September 10, 2010 to state that I was “all in” or it would be considered a voluntary resignation.

Transition whether good or bad carries anxiety and nervous energy that cause you to set high expectations. While loyalty is admirable, sometimes you have to listen to me now & believe me later … Mr.TramueL’s Axiom: Variables won't, constants aren't. Leave.

In case you missed the point, this applies to both personal & business.

Of Superstition

Completely random but I was curious.

New neighbors ended up helping me move my things into my space. They would not enter, they would slide the pieces through the door and ask if I was okay. {Insert sincere appreciation followed by a sarcastic remark} I tried to research it but couldn’t find anything {maybe ‘cause it’s two thirty four in the a.m.}

“Never take a broom along when you move. Throw it out and buy a new one.” Couldn’t find an origin, needless to say I didn’t want to risk whatever consequences so I obliged.

Mr. “all or not at all” TramueL

The Week of The Observer

WhatAreYouLQQkingAt

I’ve been extremely busy working full time, part time and trying to establish TramueL Consulting {Controlled Emotional Response}  add the stress & shade from starting a new job {the full time position} but that’s not the point. All of that to say sorry I haven’t been commenting & providing my intelligently hedonistic thoughts all up on your page. I’ve even neglected my standard bi-weekly post.

 … any who I felt compelled to share my observations because I’ve been receiving the same message delivered in different formats. I guess that means I should share …

Twitter

Tweet

*Shout out to @Scrumptious1 if she ever reads this

Personal Conversation

{Paraphrased}

“I’m not looking” “I’m going to focus on me and mine” “Relationships are too complicated”

Observation

Why do we reinvent ourselves when a relationship begins? We buy new drawz, shave {for men beards, for women … never mind} fix our hair, hide relatives sometimes kids Chris Rock quote: “We send our representative” Men lie about resources, women lie about what they want. Science proves it. Class.

Why do we reinvent ourselves when a relationship ends? We eat better, start exercising, buying new things “in with the new, out with the old” right? Eat right. Feel good. Look great. New friend. Complacency. Repeat. The end.

Do As I Say Not As I Do

Do those things while you are in a relationship, encourage each other, support each other. Why won’t you be great together? Hold each other accountable … just a thought.

Mr. “it’s very late & I’ve been at work since 10 a.m. so ignore this weird post” TramueL

Random Thoughts at a Traffic Light

I’m getting the hang of posting from my cell phone via e-mail. The title suggest that I’m texting while driving, however I was safely pulled over at the time of this writing. I mean to have done so would not have been prudent, not at that juncture.

Random Observations  About Nothing & Everything

I thought about a conversation I had with a “Princess” at work the other night, she is a very attractive twenty something who has caught the attention of an older gentleman whom she has no interest. Her words: “Man, he’s about your age!” *Ouch* “He sent me a text at 6ix a.m. … I’ma need him to not be thinking about me that early.” I responded with uncontrollable laughter. Maybe you had to be there.

Small Businesses are suffering during these trying economic times. I could choose which dry-cleaner to drop clothes off, now it seems they’ve all but disappeared. The 2wo near my home, the 1ne near my barbershop. Null.

There seems to be a switch in the number of sustainable relationships among some of my non-love relationships: family, work and friends. Maybe during the summer people don’t wanna be attached? Anywho … I’ve notice that the stages after an initial break up never seem to vary from the script: At first there is the realization,  actual realization, denial and bitterness before they move on. Right now everyone is holding in the actual realization phase. I can’t wait for what unfolds in the bitterness stage! Somebody might come up missing! {Yep. A.W. & C.C. I’m talking ‘bout ya’ll}

I thought about a meeting the other day and the facilitator was yielding a mighty weapon. Im’a need you to know the difference between ask and axe.

Mr.TramueL’s Law: Anything that begins well will end badly.

{Note: The converse of Mr.TramueL’s law is not true}

Live Well,

This has been a TramueL Truism presentation.

I Voted for the Black Guy

The day after the Municipal Elections I just so happened to need a fresh cut so I made my way to the Barbershop. I anticipated lively interchange on the typical shop talk, on Twitter I give it the hash-tag #barbershopphilosphy. This has reached the top trending spot several times. Politics, Religion, Sports and Sex (not necessarily in that order)

On Religion

The topic centered on churches in the community who are here to serve themselves and those who are here to serve the lord. The conversation also focused on serving the homeless vs creating opportunity for the homeless. ☚ But the title of this post is "I voted for the black guy" … let's move on.

On Sex

There was a guy selling Viagra pills for $25 bucks a pop ☚ No pun Intended.

On Sports

Yankees in seven. Kobe vs Lebron. The Bobcats & The Panthers. ☚This one's for North Carolina! ♬ C'mon and raise up ♬ Take your shirt off, twist it 'round yo head ♬ Spin it like a helicopter ♬ North Carolina go on and raise up!

On Politics

Okay, here is where the conversation got heated. It started with a simple question of "Did you vote?" Who knew three words could spark such a heated debate. For those of you not knowing the local mayoral race saw an African-American, Negro, Black Man (Anthony Foxx) run against a Caucasian, White Man (John Lassiter) The Governor's seat was open due to the decision by Mayor Pat McCrory, a Republican, not to seek re-election. Anthony Foxx, a member of the City Council, won the election by a slim margin, becoming the first Democrat elected to lead the city since Harvey Gantt was re-elected in 1985.

Issues with the Black Community:

The debate was not really about race but it was? Huh?? "I voted for Foxx because he was student council President at West Meck." "I voted because he is a democrat." "I would have voted for him because he's black." These statement were not polled by me nor or these any of my answers. I was just an innocent observer. The one Black Republican questioned them … What was Anthony's platform? What are the issues that concern you?

Issues with the White Community:

The debate was not really about race but it was? Huh?? "Ok-now the Dems ☚ Translation(Blacks)have complete control…No one to blame but themselves from this point on." "Charlotte just screwed up and at a time when the city is going down the tubes."

I can't answer for anyone else and what is important for me may not be as important for anyone else. (But it should cause' I'm right 99.9% of the time) I voted for the black guy not because of race but because of the issues that were important to me. I have no doubt that John Lassiter was capable of running this city, the two were dead even on issues they just had different views on how to achieve them.

Former Enemies, Former Friends

Translate combat into competition. Your enemy may be a friend in disguise.Play by the rules ☚ Nope, Eff That!

Play to Win!

A Thought / Feeling Split

Have you really tried to understand?

No. Okay well why don't you try to mute dissent and turn arguments into conversations. ☚ Not a question ... this is advice.

Look outside your own world

We all get caught up secretly believing that our way is better than others, however,The Merciless God of Perfection doesn't want you to believe there are other ways of viewing things. ☚ Shout out to The One real GOD, his SON & their homeboy the HOLY GHOST cause' they are the only ones you should put your faith in.

Pay attention to the needs of others

Try to keep track of what's going on, be sensitive to telltale signs & don't take things for granted. Think constructively & work to improve relations.

Calm your nerves and center yourself

Don't stick stubbornly to your point of view, go ☠smoke or exercise or do that thing the we all like to do ☚ You scream, I scream, we all scream for ...

☠

• SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy.
• SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health.
• SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking By Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal Injury, Premature Birth, And Low Birth Weight.
• SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide.