Forty One Years To Life ... Melzie

Good Times

The myth, the mystique…the big 4-0. As we slowly ascend to what many see as a peak of life, those ahead of us in years say there’s something different about this phase. That it’s the start of something so unique they often find it hard to describe, but try to reassure us it is the best time of their lives. Like any new stage of life, the months leading up are often shadowed by uncertainty and anxiety. It’s an age that pushes many to reach back to reclaim long forgotten dreams and relive carefree moments, only to embrace the fact that this shiny new crown carries an exciting level of maturity and insight. Admittedly, there's heaviness in the responsibility of knowing that from this point on some will look to you for wisdom and you will be sought out as one who has the ability to lend a hand to those following in your footsteps. Yet you feel equipped to handle everything that comes your way. Sure, the days seem to fly by and your time is invaluable, but your innate vision is crystal clear even though you may have to reach for a pair of spectacles every now and then :)

There’s an allure to complete important unfinished business that at one time drove your daydreams and goals for they have not perished but simply waited for the right time. There’s also a freedom in speaking your mind, revealing your heart and releasing the minutiae and people who no longer serve a purpose in your life. Throwing away the notion that the tangible things are all that we should strive for is an essential step, a layer that falls off on its own. Ultimately, you find the beauty and significance in the moments, experiences and awareness that drive your days and settle your nights. Undeniably, these are indeed the good times!

Wishing you infinite joy and abundance in the years ahead!

Your friend, Mel

Mel'

Forty One Years To Life ... R. Boyd

Forty Years To Life

The story of man and his development is an ongoing saga of ups and downs. Forty years of living sets the stage for the rest of your life. If we look back at all of our experiences we find that we concentrate on a plethora of failures and our minute successes. But I think the best thing to do is look to the future and the possibilities.

What’s next?

When you hit forty you find your body has changed and your mindset has changed. Your body maybe a little fatter and your mindset is, to become as healthy as you were when you were twenty. The one thing you can’t change is as your age increases your body functionality decreases. Your legs get weaker and your arms get saggy. Your mind slows down and so do you. The worst part is you try to keep up with changing times but find that you are old. As my nephews told me the other day you can’t even find your expiration date because you have been around so long it has rubbed off. When you hit forty, life has become a crap shoot you may find yourself looking for an exit but because you have responsibilities you continue on. Because you have goals that you set for yourself when you were twenty and you have not reached them you press toward the goal that much harder. You stress over what I can accomplish before I get to old to do anything or possibly die. You live each day as if it is your last trying to leave a legacy or at least a mark on the world to say you were here. If you don’t have kids you begin to look for the first available dumb chick that will have your baby and not want to be married. If you have kids you pray that your spouse has not gotten tired of you and wants to divorce you leaving you to weekend visits by the little people you have given birth to. If you are divorced you are wondering if the opportunity to love will ever come again. Single mothers and fathers are in a more precarious situation they have to still trudge forward on a single income and hope that child support will be paid so they can afford to send the children to college or continue to provide while they are in college. What they have that is a blessing is the opportunity to advance financially now that the kids have left nest and are beginning their own adult lives. Now is the time, be a better example for your children don’t give into the notion that you can re-live the life that has passed; get over it, it has passed.

Life has not passed you by:

Yes the past is what it is you can’t change that, but life is not over at forty. The good news is now is the time to re-invent yourself and become brand new. Every day you wake is a new day with new possibilities. If you are out of shape then it is time to hit the gym become a physically fit middle aged, body beautiful, temptation to your spouse or intended. A new mercy from God opens the door for better second half of your life. You have to set new goals that are attainable in the near future and let go of goals that have since passed you by. Goals that make life worth living another forty years and into retirement that set you up to live comfortably while you rest in your retirement village. This is a time where you amass your wealth monetarily and spiritually. It is a time to become the new person you forgot about when you were raising your kids and concentrating on your career. A new person that loves hard, plays hard, and more importantly Praise hard. This is the time to love yourself and all your faults and make life the most enjoyable life you could have imagined. It is easy to get caught up in failures but now is not the time to worry about that; it is the time to worry about what to wear to the party; a party that begins every morning; a party that brings light to a dark world; a party that you organize on your behalf. This party includes a select group of friends that have stuck by you through thick and thin and wish blessings on you all the time. This select group of people is the ones who know where the bodies are buried and knows the bones that are hidden in your closet. They are the ones who will celebrate the next half of your life, occasionally taking you out to dinner and maybe buy you a gift or two just because you are you. This is the time to teach your children how to be upstanding adults and guide them in their pursuit of happiness. Teach them how to set attainable goals by giving them the knowledge of your failures and the lessons you have learned. Do not be ashamed to share life experiences with your children they are the best gift you can give them. You are the example not the governor so if they don’t listen to your warnings or your encouragements love them anyway and be there for them if they fall. If you are single explore being single and free, do not be afraid of the single life embrace it and feel free to live it to the fullest. Keep in mind that your spirit self is connected to the Holy Spirit so do not damage the relationship you have with God by living recklessly or unholy. If you are married live like you are on your honeymoon again and explore every inch of the marital vows, bed, and life. This second half of life should cause you to have a new love for your spouse and a new love for life.

Celebrate:

Do exactly that! Celebrate life for we do not know when the time will come.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

1. To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven:

2. A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck what is planted;

3. A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4. A time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time dance;

5. A time to cast away stones, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6. A time to gain, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away;

7. A time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8. A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

This is your season Forty years to life

R. Boyd

Forty One Years To Life ... B. TramueL

Legacy

Powerful & Disturbing, Jeremiah 32:18

You show love to thousands but bring the punishment for the father's sins into the laps of their children after them

It wasn’t until I sought clarity that caused my understanding of this verse to move from what I heard in hip-hop lyrics & barbershop philosophy to SHIFT. When I Am … selfish, when I Am … quick to anger, when I Am … sinful, I Am … not the only one my sins affect. We [Father’s] pass on these patterns, lay them in our children's laps & they carry them.

We receive an inheritance; more than a financial gift, the inheritance we receive from our environment and primarily our parents is the determining factor of why we are the way we are. It’s growing up with BIG mama teaching us to fold towels a very specific way & having that belief imprinted in our thinking allows us to be critical of anyone who doesn’t fold them the ‘correct’ way. Our inheritance is an assumption that our way of living, our way of thinking is right & secretly [or openly] we feel that others’ ways are wrong. Our parents, schools, culture and churches most times reinforce these beliefs. “I don’t care how your family folds towels, it is wrong! Our family will fold towels exactly like this.”  This selfish view and the convictions they are born from become part of the endowment we collect and pass along.

Inheritance flows into us, legacy flows out.

The tugging in my body & soul over this past year wasn’t the anxiety of turning another year older, it wasn’t the thought of any failures or regrets, it wasn’t about not being where I believe I should be but it IS about needing to make an impact, knowing that my existence matters. The desire in our heads & hearts to make an impact on the lives around us; inspire us, embolden us to focus on the legacy we leave behind. We can pass on selfishness, anger and sin with no effort, especially if we want to repeat the wounds of our inheritance, our father’s sins.

This year’s wish is for a conversion, a transformation, the guidance of my true Father’s hand upon my life to transform the legacy I will leave with others.

I Am … transforming my legacy.

Happy Birthday

Forty One Years To Life ... Lisa

Does life begin at 40? Abso-friggin-lutely! 

I’m a planner by nature, but it’s totally by coincidence that my daughter would leave for college around the same time that I’m turning 40. I look at it as a time of rebirth for both of us. While she gets to create a new identity among people she’s never met, I have the chance to reintroduce myself to the me that slowly faded over time. Growing up, I was always Mary’s daughter or Jason’s sister. I had my daughter right after college and became Jordan’s mother. For 18 years, I’ve answered to that title proudly and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But for the first time since I left my college campus, I’m just Lisa again.

I made a conscious decision to move to a more diverse and active neighborhood back in May, one that fits who I really am when I’m not chauffeuring a kid around or making midnight runs to Wal-Mart for last minute supplies for a project. I’m free to go out for drinks after work on the spur of the moment or try the new recipe I saw in a magazine without worrying if someone else will like it. If I want to spend hours in the little bookstore down the street, I can. Wandering the halls of the history museum to check out the 1904 World’s Fair exhibit one more time or sitting in front of Monet’s Water Lilies for hours is no longer met with impatient glances. I’m not going to get all Jennifer Hudson on you and start singing about feeling good. I will say that whether it’s late nights or early mornings, my time is my own, and I’m cherishing every minute of it.

Lisa

Forty One Years To Life ... S. Salter

Sunny’s Thoughts On Aging …

“Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.”

~Author Unknown

I’m 28 years of age and I’m glad to have made it this far. So many friends I have lost early on, I’m privileged to see 28. I look forward to getting older… living past my 40’s is my goal as of right now.

My favorite birthday was last year; I spent it with close friends and family. Played cards and enjoyed the night. The age I felt most alive was 19, I had a baby girl who gave me a reason to keep things moving along. After facing death in the eye and making it this far I’m truly blessed.

My advice: Don’t trip over age; just remember those who you’ve lost that never got a chance to live to see that day in their lives.

S. Sarith

Forty One Years To Life ... T. NG

I constantly think about aging as I get closer to the big 3-0. Am I where I had hoped to be? Did I do all the things that my “little girl” had hoped we'd do? How far am I to achieving those goals and getting those 'things" that I had always wanted. I consult with my inner child on the daily, perhaps it's because I am childless, a little on the crazy side or simply because aging to me is really about connecting the dots, than it is about wrinkled skin. When the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button came out I dragged my little sister to go see it. Enthralled by the movie's juxtaposed story line of aging and maturity, I had never related to a movie like that before. I was a child who spent a lot of time praying for adulthood and a way out. I was timid, quiet and mischievous. My self-esteem was comparable to tarnished silverware on the bottom of the titanic and I never felt comfortable being me.As I age I feel myself getting younger and care free, just Like Benjamin. I laugh off criticism lost souls share with me and forget about it the next day. I hug and give well wishes to enemies and I love playing even more than when I was a little girl. I love getting my hair wet in the rain, singing love songs and not worrying about being perfect. I’m excited about thirty because I’m going in as a woman who loves works and plays hard. You are always more blessed and beautiful than you think you are.

T. NG

Forty One Years To Life ... Ms.Nikks

Ms.Nikks

Live It Up

Aging, that is a terrifying word to many people, I never considered myself one of those people. I’ve always looked forward to aging, but that changed when I past 25. I remember a weekend of watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and I was left feeling extremely sad and paranoid. It didn’t help that immediately after that viewing I decided to watch for the first time Driving Miss Daisy, what a weekend!

I thought what’s the point of living if all you do is become shriveled up and delusional in the end? My mind completely blocked out all the good things, the adventures, the marriages, the births, the joy, laughter, love affairs, loving, all the living the characters did in those movies. I had to check myself before I wrecked myself, I allowed myself to remember that there’s so much in-between birth and death. So much living to be done and I got back to the place I was before turning 25. People like your mother, Ms. Nona, and her thoughts and feelings towards aging is a big comfort to me. I no longer have a fear of what’s going to happen to me. Spoiler alert...you die, but there’s a lot of living in-between, so here's to you with lots of e-doration B. Tram!

“Oh live it up

We can go crazy

Live it up

You and me baby

Live it up, live it up, live it up”

-J. Legend “Live It Up”

Forty One Years To Life ... Cynt.

The older I get, the more aware I am of the inevitability of death. Or....the value of life. When I was younger, I had this romanticized notion of death. Of dying of old age, surrounded by generations of loved ones. Of having achieved every goal and dream and dying simply because there was nothing left to do. And everyone died this way. Now, of course, I wish I paid more attention to the lives around me, and the reality that death is. My grandparents are all gone, as well as my mother and several others. I would give anything to have just one good conversation with any of them. I have always been interested in listening to other's life stories, but lately, have been asking more questions, and being more open to sharing my own experiences. This happiness/pain/love/loss/success/failure...this...life that we all have is to be shared with each other. This is how we achieve that sense of immortality. We share with others, and they remember us and hopefully, share with others. The older I get, the more I realize that there will come a point where I... we.. will age no more. But we can still live on.

Forty One Years To Life ... D. Dorce

D. Dorce

At first i didn't know how to reply to this...and then i thought of the most wonderful wish i could have on my birthday...this year or the years coming would be to finally meet and greet the love of my life. See i have had many loves, but not so many...i can count them on one hand, but i find myself envisioning that "one" in a very special way. A way i haven't felt in a long time. I dream of him and i'm almost sure i would know him instantly when we met. My goals in life have been almost fulfilled. I have raised my immediate family and have given them all the encouragement and love i can give and i am happy at the outcome. For my future. i would like to have a life partner, a love of my life to share this blissful ending and new beginning with. As i reach another year i can only feel closer to achieving those goals, that aspect in my life of fulfillment, of achieving, of finally resting on that i am who i was meant to be and more, and able to share that with someone special. So this birthday, like the next will be anticipating "that moment". Happy Birthday to my dear Virtual Friend...hope it is all you intended, and more.

Forty One Years To Life ... L. Delli Santi

“If these years have taught me anything it is this: you can never run away. Not ever. The only way out is in. And that’s what I guess these stories are about”

Junot Diaz, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao

My thoughts on birthdays is that, as a society, we tend to categorize and mark our lives in milestones of ten year increments, each passing year a stepping stone to the next big hurdle, which will then denote who we are because of the number attached to our being. What is really important, and often overlooked in the grand scheme, is that your past and the obstacles that were hurdled will always be a beautiful part of you. The experiences you have had make you the person you are and the person you hope to be in the future. So when things are bad, you are learning and growing. When things are good, you have put your knowledge into play. Life is cyclical; every moment is just as important as the next.  You cannot run away from your past, or who you are/have become.  Life is a collection of stories that represent a time and place that we can never go back to.

L. Delli-Santi

Forty One Years To Life ... A. Waters

My life

I, like many others my age, am trying to apply the breaks as I skid into turning 40 in less than 6 months. Why am I so afraid to reach that milestone? In this day and age it should be an accomplishment, a luxury, a badge of honor yet I treat it like a tooth ache, the plague, a death sentence,  like I'm doomed. Why you ask? Because when I was younger- 40 meant you were married ( happily, optional), loving family, a promising career, financially set, and had all the stability you could stand. I have missed the mark in ALL those categories. Yet I get up each morning, by the grace of God and I try life again, most days willingly and other days forced.  I have always been a late bloomer and i am just now realizing what it means to say that this life of mine is not a dress rehearsal. It's not promised.  It's not even conditionally guaranteed.  And everything you have can be stripped from you in the blink of an eye. So my new stance on life is this: LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH, and make yourself happy, regardless of your age. Man up or put on your big girl panties (whichever applies) and live with NO more regrets. 40 is my new 30.

Dear Yvette

Forty One Years To Life ... Aging BlaQ

Aging BlaQ: Shriveling Ovaries: The New Mating Call

I'm a believer in animal instinct. I believe that as humans we were all born with innate responses and reactions to people and situations. Most of the time, we can't quite put our finger on why this response happens, but if we go with our instinct, we can all rest assured that we'll end up on the good side of that particular situation.

Lately, since I've turned 30, I've had conversations with men about life/love/& the pursuit of the draws. I could try to explain them, but there's no explaining this isht!

Example #1

Rick Ross

Him: "Do you want kids some day?"

Kari

Me: "Maybe. I definitely want the option."

Rick Ross

Him: "Well let me know when I can give a donation."

Kari

Me: "A donation?"

Rick Ross

Him: "Yeah, if you want kids, I can donate to the cause."

---silence---

Kari

Me: "Well, I appreciate the offer, but I'm gon' have to pass on that one."

Rick Ross

Him: "Oh, no problem. I try to help when I can." 

Example #2

Corporate Thug

Him: "So how did your interview go?"

Kari

Me: "I think it went well - they seemed impressed."

Corporate Thug

Him: "Well, congratulations are in order!"

Kari

Me: "Why? That was just the first interview. I don't know if I made the 2nd round."

Corporate Thug

Him: "You said they were impressed."

Kari

Me: "Yeah."

Corporate Thug

Him: "I'm just saying. If I'm grooming you to have my babies in a couple of years. I want to make sure you get a job you like."

Kari

Me: "What the fck, man?"

Corporate Thug

Him: "Oh, sorry."

Now, instinct has CLEARLY ruled on both of these individuals. But I'm not here to talk about my instinct, I'm here to talk about male instinct.

Where am I going with this? Walk with me, please...

The one thing that I was never able to adequately explain to my male friends is the dire situation and vulnerable state a childless, single woman finds herself at the age of 30+. Maybe if I used the words "mental and physical anguish", that would better describe how 30 signifies the beginning of the end for some women. Granted, I don't want to be pregnant; nor am I scheming to poke holes in condoms to get a baby... And no, playboy, I am not accepting donations for your illegitimate kids that you have no intention of raising... But I do hear the faint shriveling of my ovaries and eggs (it sounds like a crumbled up paper bag) along with the tick-tock of the old biological clock. The clock is loud but the shriveling isn't. The shriveling makes me sad... I digress.

As the last of my friends turn the big 3-0, it has been quite interesting to see how they have dealt with the pressure. One vowed to give up her bi-sexual lifestyle for the promise of kids and a husband with her ex-con ex-boyfriend (a sure catch). One vowed to keep the punani under wraps until the engagement ring pulls those dusty panties down. Still another gave up all her side-dudes to wait for the Lord to send her the soul-mate she was promised (ok, that was me). Yet, we all have come to our senses (somewhat) and realized that life does not end at 30.

So, I say all that to say this... I believe that men are capable of hearing the shriveling of eggs spoiling and ovaries singing the fat-lady blues. I don't know that it looks like desperation or the wave of a white flag on the battlefield, but I do believe that they know when we are ready to have babies. Now, you will most definitely have to weed through the people who make plans for your uterus without you (see example #2), but instinct should help with all that.

Something happened on the way to 30

Weight Watchers called "We have the solution"

Something happened on the way to 30

The switch in my hips turned into a limp

Something happened on the way to 30

The pretty complexion became mole central

(Party up in here! Moles stay #winning!)

Something happened on the way to 30

Afternoons spent thinking "Did I take my medication?"

Something happened on the way to 40

I finally stopped caring about my age...

The End. Happy Birthday, Brian. :-)

Kari