The Unreality of Real

The Unreality of Real: Celebrating Individual Complexity

As I scroll through Threads, I’m intentional about what I interact with— liking posts that resonate with me without any expectation of a like or comment in return. I’m equally purposeful with my comments, avoiding engagement-bait questions or interactions with people who don’t seem genuinely interested in dialogue. More often than not, I use journaling or my blog to work through my thoughts in depth.

The other day, I came across a short video on Threads. In it, a man stopped a woman from shoveling snow, telling her it was his job and that she didn’t need to worry. The caption included the phrase “Real Man.” I scrolled past, as I always do with posts containing phrases like real man or real woman. These statements have always made me uncomfortable because of their rigidity and presumption.

When someone declares, “A real man” or “A real woman” would do something, they often impose narrow, stereotypical standards of behavior. These phrases ignore individuality, context, and nuance. They reduce complex people to simplistic roles or checklists, which feels particularly reductive if you value personal growth, authenticity, or meaningful connections over conformity to societal expectations.

Beyond that, these expressions often act as a form of gatekeeping. They establish arbitrary criteria for worthiness or identity, dismissing the richness of diverse experiences and choices. For those who prioritize individuality and meaningful conversations, these phrases can feel shallow, even manipulative... especially when used to shame or control rather than celebrate someone’s unique qualities.

It’s hard for me to understand people who claim to want meaningful, loving relationships but refuse to make space for individuality. Reducing others to societal checklists or rigid roles undermines the depth and authenticity that real connection requires. True relationships, whether romantic or platonic, should be rooted in curiosity, respect, and the willingness to embrace someone as they are and not as a reflection of what society says they should be.

I wish I had a ‘real woman’ to make me some pancakes.

O.B. TramueL