Benefit of the doubt doesn’t apply when it comes to the appeasing of lingering feelings. What I’ve realized is that my friends had emotions tied into previous relationships, just as I had emotions. Closure is finding the ending. And that ending can sound like Adele’s Someone Like You or it sounds like Never Someone Like Me.
Read MoreHonor among thieves, the 2024 election cycle.
During my last eight years at BofA, I formed strong connections with folks. Yesterday, I felt immense gratitude while talking with a former coworker who has become a great friend. I initiated the call and started with, “I have ten people in my favorites on my phone, and you are one of them.” We weren’t talking about anything in particular, but it highlighted how much I value genuine connections…
Read MoreI wrote this post in December 2013, and it's fascinating how little has changed since then.
Reposting now—
My social media streams are diverse. Included are elements of everything that I love; music, food, photography, sports, and reading [books and blogs]. There are very few antipathies, if I encounter anything I disagree with, rather than debate I remind myself that living souls have the right to believe who, what, when, where, and why they want.
Read MoreWe need healthier, more nourishing relationships with others.
Read — Genuine connections, whether they're fostered online or beyond the scope of social media…
Read More"A good relationship is more than just chemistry - it also has a lot to do with HISTORY, ANATOMY, PHYSICS and ACCOUNTING"
Read MoreThis weekend I took a step back to consider the mood of the people whose lives matter most to me in my family, friends, and co-worker relationship sectors. There is a common theme-
Reset.
Read MoreThere’s been so much talk lately about what men and women bring to the table.
I’m sure you’ve heard it…unless you’ve been living under a rock somewhere.
I don’t understand why men and women are going to war over something so trivial.
As a woman of faith, I’m sure you know that you’re not a table…
Read MoreThe other person is never the problem. The problem is our reaction.
On the daily there are a myriad of ways people vex me yo’. Horrible drivers, ineffectual, rude, inconsiderate, moving too slow, moving too fast, not tidy, uncaring…
Read MoreFirst, they love you, then they hate you, then they love you again.
Then they spin the block, but always on some passive-agress-her terms masked as humor.
Received a text message at one-thirty ante meridian— a meme using the guy tapping his finger on his head, having just thought of something. He’s figured out a way to avoid his problems, and is passing it along to you as a genius strategy…
Read MoreAn article published on Psychology Today was repeatedly shared (by women) across all of my social media and I read it with (dis) interest, if pick me was a person it would be the author of this post.
What started as a joke with a my homie worker friend last week ended up as a vow to create a poll to see if women and men are with their first choice or if they've settled.
It started with random observations about nothing, yet everything concerning a few odd couple pairings, note I am using too me language -- The couples are in different stages of their relationships although most are planning weddings, recently married or have been dating for a long time.
Read More1991
When I moved to Atlanta I became quickly enamored with the amount of melanin in the metro area. One of my favorite things to do involved people watching in Underground. One day while taking in the sights, sounds and smells a young woman approached me from the stairs of the Dollar Store. She stopped and chatted’ me up. Most of you know from previous post that I have no idea when a woman is hitting on me.
She gassed me from the start...
Read MoreThis week featured conversations with three friends, although their stories were unrelated they shared similar themes. A hunt for and the end of; relationships, friendships, and connections.
Read MoreIt’s been one year, two months, four days, three hours, sixteen minutes and forty-five seconds since my last relationship. I don’t believe I have an internal mourning period but there always seems to be a gap of a year before I roll the dice. I AmI Am … great at giving advice when it comes to matters of the heart. I believe that …
Read MoreSleeping With A Friend ≠Friends With Benefits
Mr.TramueL’s Unconscionable Commentary: This is especially true when dealing with someone you're attracted to.
Read More
Alright here we are … As many of you may know {because you care} I’ve seriously given consideration to deleting my Facebook account. Conversations directly & indirectly related to it’s destruction have caused me to have a discussion, albeit with myself, valid exploration.
I tried to ask myself why without offense but naturally I viewed this as an attack & had to defend my position.
Likes & {Dis}Likes in the same breath
I like the fact that social media presents an opportunity for personal & business relationships. I dislike the fact that social media presents an opportunity for personal & business relationships.
Of Likes
Twitter, Facebook, WordPress & the count(ed) number of networking tools that I use have my attention, but not because of some addiction {crack is whack} but because they provide value. I’m able to stay in contact with work friends as we move into different roles & drop a dime on em’ when they call out sick but update their status with “Having fun at the beach! bea(ot)ches!” It also enables discovery, I’ve found many interesting sites that challenge me & inspire my own creativity. I’ve also met very interesting people with whom I’ve been able to engage in mentally stimulating conversations & very silly & fun conversations.
Of {Dis}Likes
In trying to build a network I was guilty of friend hoarding {in the beginning} accepting every request from old classmate(s), every request from local promoter(s), every request for business page(s) There was no way for me to be engaged with so many. I’m pretty introverted & never really post to Facebook that often, however the apps I use provide constant access to my time line so I’m able to see what others are posting … I’ll just say I’d rather be a good “friend” to a few than dis-connected from so many.
Save Deletion | Destroy & Rebuild
Destroy: Transitive and intransitive verb to ruin something or make something useless.
Rebuild: 1To work to restore something that has been weakened, damaged or ruined 2To make major alterations or improvements to something.
My plan is to destroy & rebuild … this is how I will continue to use Social Media & Facebook:
To have fun, To “Hip” others - make aware of and influence by the thoughts and ideas based on social, economic and cultural background, For Empowerment, To share news & post information for events, To meet other folk with brains, {I is intelligent too} … Hopefully this will spark a thought, a thought will spark a conversation, a conversation will spark a debate, a debate will spark some fun. Slingshot engaged.
Harm None,
Mr.TramueL is the only person to ever ace a Rorschach Test.
Mr.TramueL’s' Law of Contrariness: Searching for a four letter word beginning with L and E, we all desire one who makes us want to be a better person. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
The voices in my head wanted to know why I didn’t tell my friends that are girls that I love them. “Quare don't vos dico vestri amicitia ut vos diligo lemma? Vita est quoque brevis quod est non pollicitus.” … Oh! My voices speak Latin.
The voices read The CG Chronicles post this morning on exclusivity and sparked a thought. We {meaning the voices and I} have more women than men as friends & I’ve had to explain, reassure and damn near plead the fifth dimension to any “she” in my life that my friends that are girls are totally platonic. The BIGgest take-away from @CurvyGurl was that my platonic friends that are girls have provided me {at times} a more fulfilling connection than my significant other.
I remember some great observations from @sunnydelyte21 post "Love VS Being In Love: Differences" … but what say you?
Mr.”Two post in one week? I’m engulfed in flames” TramueL
*Drops Mic. Pours Accelerant on stage as I George Jefferson walk off. Bows head. Lights Lighter. Pitches lighter over right shoulder. Stage erupts in Flames.* … That’s for you Roschelle!
WhatAreYouLQQkingAt
I’ve been extremely busy working full time, part time and trying to establish TramueL Consulting {Controlled Emotional Response} add the stress & shade from starting a new job {the full time position} but that’s not the point. All of that to say sorry I haven’t been commenting & providing my intelligently hedonistic thoughts all up on your page. I’ve even neglected my standard bi-weekly post.
… any who I felt compelled to share my observations because I’ve been receiving the same message delivered in different formats. I guess that means I should share …
Tweet
*Shout out to @Scrumptious1 if she ever reads this
Personal Conversation
{Paraphrased}
“I’m not looking” “I’m going to focus on me and mine” “Relationships are too complicated”
Observation
Why do we reinvent ourselves when a relationship begins? We buy new drawz, shave {for men beards, for women … never mind} fix our hair, hide relatives sometimes kids Chris Rock quote: “We send our representative” Men lie about resources, women lie about what they want. Science proves it. Class.
Why do we reinvent ourselves when a relationship ends? We eat better, start exercising, buying new things “in with the new, out with the old” right? Eat right. Feel good. Look great. New friend. Complacency. Repeat. The end.
Do As I Say Not As I Do
Do those things while you are in a relationship, encourage each other, support each other. Why won’t you be great together? Hold each other accountable … just a thought.
Mr. “it’s very late & I’ve been at work since 10 a.m. so ignore this weird post” TramueL
*Clears throat for speech*
I don’t know where to begin so I’m going to share how my “be you (tiful)” mind bought this post into existence. It’s a few weeks old and has been sitting in my drafts folder quivering like a frightened child with the fear of being scolded by a parent. {Where is D to the Y? Where is Dez? Where is DJ?} ☚Insiders
I’m on Tweedeck with columns for Twitter, Facebook, Google Buzz, LinkedIn & FourSquare all in view. The word “friend” was lighting up and jumping off the screen towards me from each. Some praised their friends while others contemplated if someone was ever really their friend. So I stopped and I asked myself, I said: “Self? How do you define a friend?” Myself said: “I’ont know kid, I’ont wanna study war no’ mo’.” I mumbled: “T!his guy.” … I think the force was strong with the Blog circle that week ‘cause it spawned a few post on or pertaining to friends.
C.S. Lewis categorizes a four letter word beginning with L and ending with E into four basic human loves: Affection, Eros, Charity & Friendship, of the four friendship is probably the least valued and most underrated. The reason is that many of us have not experienced a substantial, enduring friendship. I have over six-hundred “friends” on Facebook & three-hundred “Followers” on Twitter. These relationships involve nothing but a tweet and a status update, just a passing connection … another reason friendship is devalued. We say associates and acquaintances from work are friends, from these relationships a friendship may grow but it doesn’t have the trust, loyalty, commitment or intimacy of true friendship. The other night while speaking with a conversance they shared feeling alone, identifying the fact that from within their phone’s contact list there wasn't anyone they could call at 10:00 p.m. on a Saturday night. I’m sure they have “friends” but they weren’t clocked in at that particular moment. Aside from my sisters, a cousin, my parents and the women I’ve dated, I’ve never had a true friendship. I’ll minimize that by saying I’m not holding a casting call for any friends because I’m an introvert. Connecting with others is a process, the flow involves questions, inferences and conversation. The problem that I have is that most friendships start from the value of it’s usefulness, achieving some material end or as folk to kill time with. My standard of folk and my actual expectation keeps my from reaching out. I understand that this is a problem and I’m working through (My therapist says only four more sessions at an extended rate & I should be ready to hold a casting call.)
So after talking & hugging it out with Mr.TramueL our definition of friend would be someone who supports my emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual development. Someone who doesn’t want me to stay as I am, they want me to grow, they want nothing less than my wholeness & my holiness.
There is so much more that I could say but I won’t, I’ll allow you to speak on what you see as true friendship?
Magic Always,
Mr. "One day, someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else" TramueL
“ You Can’t handle the Truth! “
The other night one of my many twiends re-tweeted a tweet from one of their tweeps. {Say that real fast while hanging from a spinning chandelier} … anyway it stated that 1ne of the most important ways to make a four letter word beginning with L and ending in E {Love} work is learning how to communicate the complete truth ...
I have a mom, two sisters, three baby mamas, an ex-wife, a side chick, a “she” and a plethora of female friends who sit on my couch so I feel it’s okay for me to impart my impractical wisdumb on this topic.
“There are no whole truths: all truths are half-truths. It is trying to treat them as whole truths that plays the devil.” - Alfred North Whitehead
Science
There is no science. The problem starts with definitions. In order to maintain our self-image as unselfish and honest, we seem to have special definitions that help disguise the true state of affairs … of course, we are all honest. We just leave out a few facts, but we never lie! We would feel very uncomfortable with a definition of truth that disallows this type of behavior.
Folk will retort that the truth is often near impossible to define. And, that the whole truth can never be said. Indeed.
Situation
Any. But let’s take something as simple or as complex, depending on your perspective, as telling your significant other that you actually had 30 sexual partners before them. If your partner told you such a truth after first having told the untruth, how would you react? If your partner told you such a truth, without ever having told the untruth, how would you react? Would you insist that your partner answer such a question to you? Would you want to hear the truth or would you rather not know? Would you want him/her to lie to you?How would you estimate the chance that she/he will find out the lie? How BIG a lie do you think this is if you did it? if a partner did it?
Summary
Communicate the complete truth? Nah kid … Men & Women use dishonesty to enhance those features that are most desired by the opposite sex. Men, for example, lie about commitment, honesty and resources.
What do people really mean by honesty in a partner? That we tell the truth about our flabby bellies? Or that we tell the truth about our desire for our boo’s friend?
Can you be completely honest with each other? Something doesn’t make sense.
