October Observation #2

October Observation #2

First Choice

What started as a joke with a my homie worker friend last week ended up as a vow to create a poll to see if women and men are with their first choice or if they've settled.

It started with random observations about nothing, yet everything concerning a few odd couple pairings, note I am using too me language -- The couples are in different stages of their relationships although most are planning weddings, recently married or have been dating for a long time.

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In To Me See


When I moved to Atlanta I became quickly enamored with the amount of melanin in the metro area. One of my favorite things to do involved people watching in Underground. One day while taking in the sights, sounds and smells a young woman approached me from the stairs of the Dollar Store. She stopped and chatted’ me up. Most of you know from previous post that I have no idea when a woman is hitting on me.

She gassed me from the start...

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InfoGraphic The 10.15.11 Theory

It’s been one year, two months, four days, three hours, sixteen minutes and forty-five seconds since my last relationship. I don’t believe I have an internal mourning period but there always seems to be a gap of a year before I roll the dice. I AmI Am … great at giving advice when it comes to matters of the heart. I believe that …

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Emotional Polemics

Benefit of the doubt doesn’t apply when it comes to the appeasing of lingering feelings. What I’ve realized is that my friends had emotions tied into previous relationships, just as I had emotions. Closure is finding the ending. And that ending can sound like Adele’s Someone Like You or it sounds like Never Someone Like Me.

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Destroy & Rebuild

build1Facebook_256 Alright here we are … As many of you may know {because you care} I’ve seriously given consideration to deleting my Facebook account. Conversations directly & indirectly related to it’s destruction have caused me to have a discussion, albeit with myself, valid exploration.

I tried to ask myself why without offense but naturally I viewed this as an attack & had to defend my position.

Likes & {Dis}Likes in the same breath

I like the fact that social media presents an opportunity for personal & business relationships. I dislike the fact that social media presents an opportunity for personal & business relationships.

Of Likes

Twitter, Facebook, WordPress & the count(ed) number of networking tools that I use have my attention, but not because of some addiction {crack is whack} but because they provide value. I’m able to stay in contact with work friends as we move into different roles & drop a dime on em’ when they call out sick but update their status with “Having fun at the beach! bea(ot)ches!” It also enables discovery, I’ve found many interesting sites that challenge me & inspire my own creativity. I’ve also met very interesting people with whom I’ve been able to engage in mentally stimulating conversations & very silly & fun conversations.

Of {Dis}Likes

In trying to build a network I was guilty of friend hoarding {in the beginning} accepting every request from old classmate(s), every request from local promoter(s), every request for business page(s) There was no way for me to be engaged with so many. I’m pretty introverted & never really post to Facebook that often, however the apps I use provide constant access to my time line so I’m able to see what others are posting … I’ll just say I’d rather be a good “friend” to a few than dis-connected from so many.

Save Deletion | Destroy & Rebuild

Destroy: Transitive and intransitive verb to ruin something or make something useless.

Rebuild: 1To work to restore something that has been weakened, damaged or ruined 2To make major alterations or improvements to something.

My plan is to destroy & rebuild … this is how I will continue to use Social Media & Facebook:

To have fun, To “Hip” others - make aware of and influence by the thoughts and ideas based on social, economic and cultural background, For Empowerment, To share news & post information for events, To meet other folk with brains, {I is intelligent too} … Hopefully this will spark a thought, a thought will spark a conversation, a conversation will spark a debate, a debate will spark some fun. Slingshot engaged.

Harm None,

Mr.TramueL is the only person to ever ace a Rorschach Test.

I Love You VS I'm In Love With You

confused-128 blushing-128 Mr.TramueL’s' Law of Contrariness: Searching for a four letter word beginning with L and E, we all desire one who makes us want to be a better person. Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.

The voices in my head wanted to know why I didn’t tell my friends that are girls that I love them. “Quare don't vos dico vestri amicitia ut vos diligo lemma? Vita est quoque brevis quod est non pollicitus.” … Oh! My voices speak Latin.

The voices read The CG Chronicles post this morning on exclusivity and sparked a thought. We {meaning the voices and I} have more women than men as friends & I’ve had to explain, reassure and damn near plead the fifth dimension to any “she” in my life that my friends that are girls are totally platonic. The BIGgest take-away from @CurvyGurl was that my platonic friends that are girls have provided me {at times} a more fulfilling connection than my significant other.

I remember some great observations from @sunnydelyte21 post "Love VS Being In Love: Differences" … but what say you?

Mr.”Two post in one week? I’m engulfed in flames” TramueL

*Drops Mic. Pours Accelerant on stage as I George Jefferson walk off. Bows head. Lights Lighter. Pitches lighter over right shoulder. Stage erupts in Flames.* … That’s for you Roschelle!

The Week of The Observer



I’ve been extremely busy working full time, part time and trying to establish TramueL Consulting {Controlled Emotional Response}  add the stress & shade from starting a new job {the full time position} but that’s not the point. All of that to say sorry I haven’t been commenting & providing my intelligently hedonistic thoughts all up on your page. I’ve even neglected my standard bi-weekly post.

 … any who I felt compelled to share my observations because I’ve been receiving the same message delivered in different formats. I guess that means I should share …




*Shout out to @Scrumptious1 if she ever reads this

Personal Conversation


“I’m not looking” “I’m going to focus on me and mine” “Relationships are too complicated”


Why do we reinvent ourselves when a relationship begins? We buy new drawz, shave {for men beards, for women … never mind} fix our hair, hide relatives sometimes kids Chris Rock quote: “We send our representative” Men lie about resources, women lie about what they want. Science proves it. Class.

Why do we reinvent ourselves when a relationship ends? We eat better, start exercising, buying new things “in with the new, out with the old” right? Eat right. Feel good. Look great. New friend. Complacency. Repeat. The end.

Do As I Say Not As I Do

Do those things while you are in a relationship, encourage each other, support each other. Why won’t you be great together? Hold each other accountable … just a thought.

Mr. “it’s very late & I’ve been at work since 10 a.m. so ignore this weird post” TramueL



*Clears throat for speech*

I don’t know where to begin so I’m going to share how my “be you (tiful)” mind bought this post into existence. It’s a few weeks old and has been sitting in my drafts folder quivering like a frightened child with the fear of being scolded by a parent. {Where is D to the Y? Where is Dez? Where is DJ?} ☚Insiders

I’m on Tweedeck with columns for Twitter, Facebook, Google Buzz, LinkedIn & FourSquare all in view. The word “friend” was lighting up and jumping off the screen towards me from each. Some praised their friends while others contemplated if someone was ever really their friend. So I stopped and I asked myself, I said: “Self? How do you define a friend?” Myself said: “I’ont know kid, I’ont wanna study war no’ mo’.”  I mumbled: “T!his guy.” … I think the force was strong with the Blog circle that week ‘cause it spawned a few post on or pertaining to friends.

C.S. Lewis categorizes a four letter word beginning with L and ending with E into four basic human loves: Affection, Eros, Charity & Friendship, of the four friendship is probably the least valued and most underrated. The reason is that many of us have not experienced a substantial, enduring friendship. I have over six-hundred “friends” on Facebook & three-hundred “Followers” on Twitter. These relationships involve nothing but a tweet and a status update, just a passing connection … another reason friendship is devalued. We say associates and acquaintances from work are friends, from these relationships a friendship may grow but it doesn’t have the trust, loyalty, commitment or intimacy of true friendship. The other night while speaking with a conversance they shared feeling alone, identifying the fact that from within their phone’s contact list there wasn't anyone they could call at 10:00 p.m. on a Saturday night. I’m sure they have “friends” but they weren’t clocked in at that particular moment. Aside from my sisters, a cousin, my parents and the women I’ve dated, I’ve never had a true friendship. I’ll minimize that by saying I’m not holding a casting call for any friends because I’m an introvert. Connecting with others is a process, the flow involves questions, inferences and conversation. The problem that I have is that most friendships start from the value of it’s usefulness, achieving some material end or as folk to kill time with. My standard of folk and my actual expectation keeps my from reaching out. I understand that this is a problem and I’m working through (My therapist says only four more sessions at an extended rate & I should be ready to hold a casting call.)

So after talking & hugging it out with Mr.TramueL our definition of friend would be someone who supports my emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual development. Someone who doesn’t want me to stay as I am, they want me to grow, they want nothing less than my wholeness & my holiness.

There is so much more that I could say but I won’t, I’ll allow you to speak on what you see as true friendship?

Magic Always,

Mr. "One day, someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else" TramueL

You Want Me To Be Honest?

“ You Can’t handle the Truth! “



The other night one of my many twiends re-tweeted a tweet from one of their tweeps. {Say that real fast while hanging from a spinning chandelier} … anyway it stated that 1ne  of the most important ways to make a four letter word beginning with L and ending in E {Love} work is learning how to communicate the complete truth ...

I have a mom, two sisters, three baby mamas, an ex-wife, a side chick, a “she” and a plethora of female friends who sit on my couch so I feel it’s okay for me to impart my impractical wisdumb on this topic.

“There are no whole truths: all truths are half-truths. It is trying to treat them as whole truths that plays the devil.” - Alfred North Whitehead


There is no science. The problem starts with definitions. In order to maintain our self-image as unselfish and honest, we seem to have special definitions that help disguise the true state of affairs … of course, we are all honest. We just leave out a few facts, but we never lie! We would feel very uncomfortable with a definition of truth that disallows this type of behavior.

Folk will retort that the truth is often near impossible to define. And, that the whole truth can never be said. Indeed.


Any. But let’s take something as simple or as complex, depending on your perspective, as telling your significant other that you actually had 30 sexual partners before them. If your partner told you such a truth after first having told the untruth, how would you react? If your partner told you such a truth, without ever having told the untruth, how would you react? Would you insist that your partner answer such a question to you? Would you want to hear the truth or would you rather not know? Would you want him/her to lie to you?How would you estimate the chance that she/he will find out the lie? How BIG a lie do you think this is if you did it? if a partner did it?


Communicate the complete truth? Nah kid … Men & Women use dishonesty to enhance those features that are most desired by the opposite sex. Men, for example, lie about commitment, honesty and resources.

What do people really mean by honesty in a partner? That we tell the truth about our flabby bellies? Or that we tell the truth about our desire for our boo’s friend?

Can you be completely honest with each other? Something doesn’t make sense.

Define Your Role

Super Mr.TramueL is back!

Don’t worry mere mortals … I use my powers for good not evil.

{{{Evil Voice Laugh}}} mwahahaha

Over the last three weeks there have been several missions that needed my impractical wisdumb so I dawned & sealed my protective mask, pulled up my tights, threw on my cape and flew in to save the day! Two friendgurlz situations immortalized in this post. No names were used (only pronouns) to protect the downtrodden.

Mission Improbable

Boy meets girl, boy & girl fall in love, boy & girl make plans to marry, boy & girl move in together … boy & girl now start to question a few things. They feel silly talking about “a few things” with others because they are so small in comparison with real sh*t men & women go through. But therein lies the problem, the small things can be such a HUGE drain emotionally. One wants kids the other doesn’t. One wants to buy a condo the other wants a house. One folds the towels in half the other in half, then in half again. Are you serious Mr.TramueL ... towels? Yes towels … Her: “My grandma taught me how to fold towels and that’s the way I’ve always done it.” Him: “Your grandma was wrong.” *Side note* When he woke up from “her” knockout blow he was asked did he know where he was, he replied “… at my mama’s house.”

If you are raised, grow up observing or taught to do things a certain way it becomes embedded in you, second nature and we tend not to challenge our thought process assuming that our outlook is shared by our significant other, especially after you’ve played with each other horizontally.

The learned behavior in men, whether taught or observed, is to be the head of the house and by that authority the woman should be submissive to his will. When that will is challenged he will seek other ways to gain what he perceives as control.

The “un”learned behavior in women, whether taught or observed, is that of independence and self reliance. When that independence is challenged or she is made to feel inferior she will tell everybody that will listen she will seek other ways to feel empowered.

“She” called to ask for help or rather needed confirmation that her point of view was correct. She believes that because she makes more money than her husband, she shouldn’t have to answer to him and that all decisions should run through her. “She” said everyone else responded with the “compromise” and “ya’ll should make decisions as a team” nonsense. Well I’m the referee and I’m throwing the flag … bullsh*t. Even on a team there is a coach that draws up the last play with instructions on how to win. Compromise, a concept of finding agreement through communication, through a mutual acceptance of terms, often involving variations from an original goal or desire … bullsh*t, someone always gets their way. What is the compromise between someone wanting children & someone not wanting children?

Someone has to lead; I don’t care who as long as its not about money, power or control. Have a conversation; connect emotion and intellect, look for thoughtfulness in love and be open to the other point of view.

Do As I Say Not As I Do

Don’t be afraid to take the lead. Direction is needed – you may have to supply it. Strengthen your will to avoid indecision.

On Who’s Terms?


I played the love doctor again today, well rather this time I played a male nurse and just listened while I took the patient's blood pressure and checked their heart beat allowing two of my female friends {Definition: (Fe)male: Male with iron added, for greater strength, ductility, and magnetism} to wheel and parry about what somebody didn't do for them Blah, Blah, Blah ~

On the Married Couple

Whether consciously or unconsciously they've crafted a set of rules for themselves. If I were a fly on the wall, I would probably comment on why they ain't invite me to the reception notice a common theme in their relationship: Who will impose ideas and who will follow them? Though they generally get along well, and have a lot of respect for each other, no kids in the house so they probably have lots of sex they have different ideas as to what a relationship / marriage should be all about. Thus the focus here is the issue of what shared ideology will work for them.

Do as I say, not as I do:

Learn to compromise without resentment, swallow your pride occasionally and work for the common cause.

On the Friend Guy Friend Girl Couple

Their focus is power, whether the challenge is to seize it, exercise it, or give it up. I've noticed a spiritual evolution process; first striving for and grasping power, then learning more about themselves and their relationship and finally letting go of power in favor of higher ends. They may have to acknowledge their social or personal power and live with it for a while before they can give it up. Ayo! social & personal power I'mma let you finish but the power of love is one of the greatest powers of all time! Along the way they may come to realize it and understand that it should not be given up but given away and shared with others freely.

Do as I say, not as I do:

Don't get carried away by power, seek your own path, simple acts of kindness can be very strong.

Mr.TramueL is a four letter word beginning with L and ending in E enabler. Stay on your toes kids, L O V E

Two Fingers, One Word ~

Needing To Be Needed

My determination to always be at my best is typically magnified in most of my relationships granting me little rest. However when that phone call, e-mail or text message comes with those famous words "Hey, What you doing. Guess What?"

… I get all emotional (I'mma keep it short. I don't want another another feminine moment. I can't stand the smell of that night blooming jasmine.)

They picked me! They could have chosen anyone but they chose me! It feels good when I am able to impart my impractical wisdumb upon the earth.

Do as I say not as I do
Be aware of your effect on others.

Do not exhaust yourself in pursuit of the latest trend.

Seek traditional values.

*Remember a house can not be united with it's brothers, sisters, mamas, daddies, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, boos, baby daddies, baby mamas, friend girls and friend guys divided. Now get out there and Unite!

A Thought / Feeling Split

Have you really tried to understand?

No. Okay well why don't you try to mute dissent and turn arguments into conversations. ☚ Not a question ... this is advice.

Look outside your own world

We all get caught up secretly believing that our way is better than others, however,The Merciless God of Perfection doesn't want you to believe there are other ways of viewing things. ☚ Shout out to The One real GOD, his SON & their homeboy the HOLY GHOST cause' they are the only ones you should put your faith in.

Pay attention to the needs of others

Try to keep track of what's going on, be sensitive to telltale signs & don't take things for granted. Think constructively & work to improve relations.

Calm your nerves and center yourself

Don't stick stubbornly to your point of view, go smoke or exercise or do that thing the we all like to do ☚ You scream, I scream, we all scream for ...

  • SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy.
  • SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health.
  • SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking By Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal Injury, Premature Birth, And Low Birth Weight.
  • SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide.